The iPhone Thief Repellent Plan

We arrived in Madrid today, and you know what that means?

Another round of welcome-to-a-new-city-now-let-me-bore-you-to-death-while-I-treat-this-group-as-if-they-were-born-yesterday-by-listing-off-the-most-common-sense-information-ever orientations! WOO! So fun!

Not.

Alright, so the orientations really aren’t that bad, they’re just a hassle and a waste of time at this point. I mean, we get it:

“Don’t walk around at night by yourself.”

“Don’t carry too much cash on you.”

“Remember to keep quiet in your apartment after 10.”

And my oh so favorite, “Don’t bring your iPhones out with you, they will get stolen.”

Yada, yada, yada…We’ve heard it a million times, “Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo iPhones because the Spaniards here love to prey on American tourists for them (culture reference, see video below).” But let’s be real… we’re young 20-somethings! The cell phones are coming out with us, regardless if we can get wifi on them or not.

So, yeah, thanks for the 9 billion warnings orientation leaders, but I have crafted a genius plan to outsmart these local thieves so that my iPhone remains where it belongs… in my purse.

Before I get into my “iPhone Thief Repellent Plan,” as I like to call it, let me inform you that my strategy is scientifically proven to work… well, at least kind of.

The iPhone Thief Repellent Plan:

Step 1: Place mice traps or live snakes in your purse so that the thief can learn a very painful lesson.

JUST KIDDING, don’t do that. Do this:

Step 1.5: Change your wallpaper or screensaver to a photo of you and a baby. Sounds random, but here’s why it works: Psychology.

Did you know that if you lose your wallet or have it stolen, the likelihood of having it returned back to you increases by 88 percent if you have a photo of a baby placed inside of it? I’m serious. There’s something about looking into the eyes of an innocent baby that triggers sympathy inside of a thief’s soul, and they would feel guilty not doing the right thing of giving it back to its rightful owner.

Remember, puppies and family portraits may work, too, but the baby photo route might be your best choice.

I remember coming across this study when I was in high school, and after all of this stealing-your-iPhone-and-never-getting-it-back talk, I cleverly applied this proven research to my cell phone here in Spain. The only problem is, I’m don’t have a kid, and I’m not about to pop some out for the good of my own possessions. Thus, my only option is to pretend I have one.

So, ladies and gentlemen, meet my nephew son, Ethan:

Ethan is saying with his eyes, “My mommy needs her phone like I need her. Please give it back.”

Step 2: If you don’t have any photos of you and a baby, well that’s what Google is for. No one needs to know that it’s not actually you.

This wallpaper is basically saying, “Wow, what a family man/woman I am. Someone like me deserves to get my phone back in one piece.”

Step 3: Skip orientation because you now know what to do.

😉

PS- That last photo is seriously my current background image on my iPhone. No shame, no game. Bring it on thieves!